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Give me a break...
"I need to be alone to deal with my issues"
"This would be so easy if I didn't love you"
"I could BE in a relationship if I didn't love you"
Bull shit! This is what he said when we broke up for the first of many times last October.
So the other day, on my MySpace blog, I talk about how I need a massage and my hands are hurting like, with carpel tunnel. I forgot that he reads this blog because I haven't had ANY kind of communication with him for like, a month. So he called me at work and catches me off-guard to tell me he could help me with a massage and oh yeah... HE IS IN A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP!
So, he couldn't be in a relationship with me because he has to face his issues alone and BOOM, a month or two later, he's in a relationship! Serial monogamist. Oh and don't give me that "he's not that into you shit" because the reality is "he's mentally unstable and not aware of what he wants" because he was SO into me and even with this new stupid relationship wanting to start shit up again. We all know that a massage at my house is not going to just be a massage at my house. Fucker.
At least with this last slap in the face I can see that he might have a good heart, have all the best intentions of the world and not MEAN to hurt anyone but he does by being so damned selfish, so emotionally fucked up and by being completely unstable. Thank God I realize that he's the one flawed and that I'm SO much better off ALONE!
*phew*
February 28, 2007 | Permalink
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Gay, gay, gay
I'm super excited right now. I just noticed that ActForLove is sponsored by gay.com! I went on the homepage today and saw a semi-naked butt on a hot guy, an add for gay.com and more gay stuff on a side bar. I laugh inside because even online, where ever I go, gays follow...
love it. I'm *such* a faghag.
February 25, 2007 | Permalink
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Fanning old flames
I'm so confused. Someone I had a great relationship with a long time ago is back in my life. I hadn't spoken with him for 5 years and when we met I was a mess of a human being. I was 22, a big old drunk and towards the end of our relationship a total asshole to him.
Now that time has passed, I appreciate what he went through and how sweet he was through it all. Of course, he was 30 when we met and he should know better than to date someone fresh out of college--right? You can't expect someone 22 years of age to have their shit together.
I dunno. I can't blame him. We were so good together until I fell apart because of work from stress and being beaten down by The wo-Man (aka old feminist 'movement' job). So I ended up taking out my stress on him and the relationship.
We were both so bitter when it ended that it took 5 years to pass before we tried to reconnect. Since reconnecting, we IM constantly, we met up on Saturday and I keep making excuses to see him. We have SO much fun together.
I'm not sure what I think about him romantically, but we're such good friends, we get along so well, and I'm so comfortable around him that after a night of clubbing (I just said good night an hour ago from partying @ DC9) I just wanted to hug him, hold his hand and push myself up against him. in a platonic way, me thinks.
Is it the fact that we are so comfortable together because of our history that makes it easy to be with him? Or are we still the same people and get along like old times? OR, is it that we are sick of dating people who don't "get us" and dating is hard work in and of itself?
I'll see him tomorrow and I'm totally excited about it... craziness!
February 19, 2007 | Permalink
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"The Politico" Covers ActForLove.org
Whoo hoo! Cool coverage today for ActForLove.org from The Politico, a very cool (and hot) new publication here in DC.
Check it out:
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0207/2749.html
February 14, 2007 | Permalink
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Happy V-Day
Who cares if we're single! Who cares if it's valentine's day? (*ps* I didn't capitalize V-day for added disrespect to a holiday that exists simply to torment swingin' singles)
Okay, seriously though. This holiday is fueled by chocolatiers, card-makers, jewelers, restaurants, and florists. Let's say FUCK THEM, as this holiday isn't for us, and eat veggies, buy nothing and go no where!
Oh, and here are my top reasons to be single:
- couples can be boring
- no drama of fights that have the weight of a long term relationship hanging on each word
- no commitment
- although dating can be hard, you at least have great stories to share afterward
- you can do whatever you want! No compromise!
- no break up, get back together, break up, get back together, what are we?
- you don't have to deal with significant other's mean in-laws, weird friends, bad coworkers...
oh who am I kidding. I used to be a fantastic swingin single and could come up with 10 reasons to love being single in a heart beat, but all I can think of are the perks of a GOOD relationship: snuggling, sharing stuff, having a clubbing side kick... of course, good relationships are hard to come by!
February 14, 2007 | Permalink
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Myspace strikes again!
You guys! This is SOOO crazy. When I first moved to DC, I met this guy at a bar when wicked drunk. He was really cute, smelled fantastic and was really cute. So, we made out on the dance floor, the next week went out on our firsts date and we were both hooked on each other. We were together for 2 years, from 1999-2001.
We were great friends and had some issues that broke the relationship because we didn't communicate well enough and circumstances like... I was 22 years old, a raging drunk, and had a horribly oppressive (some call it "movement", more like bowel-movement with all the shit you have to put up with) job that made me a little bit of a diva (read=bitch). I was also a fledgling fag-hag and the attitude was beginning to creep into how I treated him. Long story short (too late!) -- we broke up and the last time I spoke with him was over angry emails after September 11th. That, of course was 5 years ago and I haven't spoken with him since...
SINCE LAST NIGHT! I love MySpace. So here's what happened. I ran into him at Dupont Circle when it was the warmest day of January in recorded history (fa-rills) and we both looked each other up on MySpace. He read my blog and realized that I had come a long way and was way more mature than before (of course I was, that was 5 year--count em'--half a decade aways)
Anywho, he blogs with a subject "the ex files" on his MySpace page and blogs the lyrics to a Daft Punk song (he knows I love them beyond comprehension) and the lyrics were as follows:
It might not have been the right time
she might not
have been the right one
But there was something about us I want to
say
Cause there was something between us anyway
So I blog on my MySpace blog (I said my and space and blog three times in this sentence now.) So ANYWAY, I blog right back the same lyrics and add "If you're reading this JOHN, message me, we can be friends. I'm not the fag hag who you used to know" and he DID! Last night we chatted over IM and I was very glad.
I apologized for being mean to him towards the end of the relationship and we had a good chat. We're essentially the same people but all "growned up" and nicer and stuff.
I used to think of him from time to time. We didn't work out and I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. What's amazing is that we are both semi-weirded out, semi-curious, and semi-relieved that we can be friends. If you ever had a relationship where you really got along with the other person (like we did) but circumstances were less than favorable (our issues, communication, maturity, etc.,) then it's AMAZING when you finally reconnect. I sure hope we become better friends. We have SOOO much in common, always laugh together, and really get along well. Can't wait for him to be ready to hang out and catch up tete-a-tete. He was a big reason why I didn't kill myself while working at this "movement" job. God bless 'em.
February 12, 2007 | Permalink
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BarackObama.com -- My official endorsement... for the site
Okay, so as some of you know, I've been helping out a bunch with DraftObama.org. And as a result, you might've guessed that I'm pretty impressed with this guy. Nevertheless, I've vowed that I would not officially endorse anyone until I know who all the candidates are.
That being said, I am ready to give a serious shout out to BarackObama.com. This is a fantastic web site, and it's what presidential campaign web sites should be all about.
Too many campaigns focus way too much on building a "pretty" site... with lots of photos of the candidate with family, crowds, a random golden retriever, etc. The Obama campaign, however, has focused like a laser on building a site that empowers the campaign's supporters. And that is critical -- and something that others seem to lose site of.
The thing is, each supporter probably has dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of friends in their email address books. The key is not just to get them in your database for ocassional newsletters, the key is to give them the tools to help them evangelize for you. Sure it's nice to get one supporter in your database -- but it's much nicer still to turn that supporter into a salesperson who can consistently reach hundreds or thousands for you.
Most campaigns miss this completely -- the Obama campaign apparently gets it, big time.
www.BarackObama.com -- see for yourself.
February 11, 2007 | Permalink
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frigid cold
It's too cold to get action. No one wants to come over and I ain't leavin my house when I get home from work. It's wicked cold, yo. I would go for a bootie call just for the extra heat from a warm body under the covers. However, I don't want to start barking up all the random guys and guy friends who I could potentially bootie call from my cell phone or IM, just too complicated.
I wish bootie calls were a little bit easier. All my gay boyfriends use Craigslist or special sites for quick gay action, but urgh, I don't need the heat (in either way) that badly. I would rather be curled up to a book than play that russian roul-lay and invite potential weirdos. And speaking of weirdos--I do NOT recommend Geek to Geek! Long story short: they all live in Virginia (or further away) and they're all less geek and more strange (in a bad and socially maladroit way).
February 9, 2007 | Permalink
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That Astronaut Lady
She has 3 kids, an excellent career, but a deep dark love (or mental health issue) that drove her across country in wig and trench coat (how cliche!) and plastic bags (oh, Dexter) to kill a romantic competitor. Craziness. A crime of passion? I don't believe in those. Love causes us to do stupid and embarrassing things but some people are disturbed and the two should not be confused. Most of us do stupid and embarrassing things for love though. Stupid, embarrassing, desperate acts in the name of love... *sigh*
That's how I feel right now. Last September, I was dumped by a boy that I had dated seriously for a while. Since we broke up, we tried to hang out and remain friends. Whenever I we spoke or met up I would throw myself at him (more or less). I felt like I would do anything for him. I made every excuse to talk to him, to see if we could be closer friends, etc., Like a dog waiting for a bone, I followed him, wagging my tail and hoping to get some affection.
Mind you, we had a very intense connection and I loved him. I don't throw those words around loosely. In fact, I don't ever believe in my 29 (eek) years of living that I actually felt this way about another person.
He loved me too. He didn't cheat and there were no romantic competitors across the country that I wanted to mace, shoot up with a bb gun, or hit with a rubber sledge hammer... We broke up because he wasn't emotionally ready to be in a healthy relationship. I got the dreaded "it's not you, it's me" spiel, but it was for-reals, I swear! He was personal dealing with issues and instability (but working on it) that he couldn't be in a mutually healthy and good relationship at this time in his life. My predecessors (his exes) were coke-heads, drunks, pot-heads, and codependents (one of his exes actually habitually fell asleep drinking red wine in bed!) So with me, he had none of the above, and he didn't know what to do with it. He was young and not ready.
It's over though. Seriously over. Caput.
He called on Saturday looking for a bootie call (he was clearly emotionally down in the dumps) and I was such a fool to say yes. We were supposed to meet in an hour and that night he kept postponing, changing his mind and ultimately left me in the lurches for hours, ruining my Saturday night.
It wasn't because the Saturday night was ruined that I ended all chance of communication and friendship. I was just so clearly desperate for him to have eagerly waited for hours just to be near him. I was that damned dog, wagging her tail for hours until the end of the night when it was clear he wasn't coming over. I finally ended all communication with him that night. I had been dicked around (in the bad sense, no action implied) since we broke up and I need to deal with the fact that he's not ready and I have to move on for him and for me. It's not as bad a plot to kidnap, torture and/or murder, but I still feel like a fool for love.
February 7, 2007 | Permalink
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See you around...
I've met a ton of good guys since I started dating as full contact sport some 2 years ago. I'm on friendly terms with some of them, hanging out and IM'ing periodically, even if romance wasn't in the stars for us. I find it extremely mature of me that I can be friends with guys after it doesn't work out on a date or in the process of getting to know them. What's extremely immature of me however, is my inability to end a bad first date with someone.
At the end of the date the guy will look for an affirmative gesture or words to indicate that we're going to move on to a second date. When it's bad and there are deal breakers (ie: republicans, fakes, meanies, psuedo-intellectuals, etc.,) I will send a message by extending my hand to shake good night. A hug would lead them on to thinking they have a chance, right?
When it's semi-bad and I'm not sure what I think of their dating potential, I give them the benefit of the doubt and have a second date. Usually it's just as bad as the first date or WORSE! because they're growing comfortable and more of what I didn't like comes out.
To save time, it seems better to go with the instinct you have on the first date. But at the end of a bad first date, what do you say?
"Dinner was nice. It was good to know you. Good luck!"
How do you end a bad first date when they like you? What do you do?
a) act noncommittal about the next date and ignore their IM's and emails?
b) go on a second date and give them the benefit of the doubt that they had first date jitters?
c) tell them you don't think it's going to work out at the end?
d) show signs that you're not interested like a handshake or nod goodbye?
I hate being negative and I'm sure they would prefer the truth than to be led on, but it is so awkward and difficult to be honest! It's JUST a first date, but it's still tough for me--I'm such a nice girl ;-)
Is there a good way to end it with someone?
February 5, 2007 | Permalink
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